shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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