i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
