He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
