My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
