Someone shit on the floor
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
