I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
