What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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