I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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