so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The beer is more important than you right now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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