When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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