I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
