don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize