Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
