Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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