How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
