Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
