It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
