Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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