come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I forget how to act sober
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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