At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
