we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
