I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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