What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize