Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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