I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it hurts more in the daytime
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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