Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
