Old men and throwing up are my life now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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