I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
