"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
