She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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