just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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