Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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