If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
