too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
foreskin is a definite game changer
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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