chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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