nut hugger
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
