I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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