I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
