Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
