Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
