lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
