My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
