I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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