Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
