I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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