I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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