Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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