You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
