the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
