i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
