oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
