i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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