He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
