I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
