I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
