Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
