I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize