may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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