I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize