fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
