Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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