member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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