This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
