i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
