I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
