I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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