I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
