my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You ate ashes out of my bong