He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize