just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.