your thong is hanging out like whoa
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.