i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?