how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.