I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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