We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
