you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
