Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
