Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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